You’re a Stay at Home Mom When….

When….
You can’t remember the last time you “pooped” or “pee-peed” with the bathroom door closed.

You use the words “poopoo” and “peepee”.

No one wants to talk until you’re IN THE BATHROOM.

When…
You haven’t held an adult conversation in so long it causes you to talk to the telemarketers.
You no longer get calls from telemarketers.

When…
You don’t have time for bras or makeup at home. Yes going out is a different story, but it can be a challenge!

When…
The mailman, or ANYONE, for that matter, rings the doorbell, you quickly gather all children and hide in the shower or closet.
Shhhhh..Quiet now, Mommy’s not wearing a bra today or makeup. No, no time to put one on!”

Your children yell out alerting the mailman of your presence.
Shhh….We’re not home, we’re not home.

You have your husband pick up all your packages due to your braless lifestyle.

When…

Actually getting mail in the mailbox (jackets on, remember, no bra!) is an exciting part of your day.
Leave the mail, Mr Mailman, DO NOT APPROACH ME WHILE I’M ON DUTY. Or in fact, ever.”

When..

Grocery day is actually an exciting day for you. As long as there’s time to put on the bra….

When..

You can’t remember the last time you watched an adult movie.
NO, not that kind of movie.

When..

You hesitate to have an active love life, because as soon as you commit to that- you hears screams coming from the bedroom.
No, not your bedroom. Nightmares have the worst timings don’t they?”

When..
You give up on the idea of sex after the children are put pack to sleep.
Nah, too tired anyways.

When..

You look for a pen but can only find crayons.

When..

Your paperwork was filled out in crayon.

When..

The last book you read was titled “Pete the Cat.”

When…

You really enjoyed Pete the Cat and look forward to the next book.

When..

You start a blog to follow the other internet moms!

When…

You wash countless loads of clothes and sheets a day.
Is there ever an end to the clothes??

When…

You throw out piles of clothes from your closet. Just to somehow tame the laundry problem?

When..

You have all kids consignment sales on the calendar.

When…

You are one of the main ‘suppliers’ of kids items at the consignment sales.

When..

You are constantly searching for lost sippy cups.

When…

Sometimes you wish you had never found the lost sippy cups.
Ew, that was hidden there for how long?

When…

You can often be found sipping out of various Dora, Diego, Ninja turtle cups.

You are banned to the Dora cups because you have broken several mugs while being suddenly awoke from sleep while sitting on the couch.

You have no memory of above incident occurring.

When…

Your glasses not only serve to better your eyesight, but also serve as a means of protection.

When…

Your dining room is now a play room.

When..

The playroom has ventured in to part of the living room.

When…

There isn’t a single room in the house that isn’t occupied by some sort of toy.

When..

You give out treats for poopoo-ing in the potty.

When…

Your daughter points out your newly sprouted chin whisker and proceeds to call you Bearded Lady!.

When…

Bearded Lady has made its way into Barbie doll play. Yes, pull the ponytail down under the chin…voila

When…

Your chin whisker is another excuse not to answer the door.

When…

You forget to pluck your chin whisker.

When…

Your body jerks and randomly awakens throughout the night. They can wake up at any second!

When…

You have learned how to deal with the constant calling from children throughout the night.
Knee your husband.
Hey, he hasn’t been here all day, right?

When…

You husband’s body has become accustomed to the kneeing throughout the night. Now all it takes is a gentle nudge.

When..

Your husband knows that a “gentle nudge” is NOT a cue for sex.

When…

5:00 Arrives and you and your children watch out the window for daddy to arrive, while constantly checking the time.

When…

It’s just ABSOLUTELY WONDERFUL when “daddy” brings home pizza.

When…

You get to see the people you love more than anything in the world everyday and experience all these moments you can never get back.

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